This is from a journal entry on December 7, 2000.
I love worshipping with blind trust…when I can’t yet see the dawn, when I can’t yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, when I can’t even see the horizon, the clearing in the woods, the reason why, the answer to my cry or question, when I feel lonely, abandoned, confused, when nothing yet makes sense, when things aren’t going my way, when what I believe God said (from my own perspective) hasn’t been accomplished, before things are complete, before things are all wrapped up and either back to normal or well on their way, before the breakthrough, in the darkest part of the night, when everything in me cries out that it’s okay for me to wallow in self-pity because I deserve to, because the current situation is unfair, tough, painful, or unbelievably hard…it’s real, honest worship.
I am learning the Paul&Silas worship – beaten and stifled in ministry because they’re in freaking prison; the David cave worship – when he’s in fear of losing his very life…all he holds dear; it’s Abraham on the mountain about to offer his only son’s life as worship to God – can you imagine HIS anxiety and questioning of God at a moment like that? And YET he obeys; it’s Noah going ahead to carry out a plan that means YEARS of ridicule as he follows what he knows God has said to him (obedience is one of the highest forms of worship); John the Baptist devotes his ENTIRE LIFE to setting the stage for someone else (yeah, it’s the Messiah and all, but that doesn’t remove his feelings through that process) – this is selfless love and devotion to God – it’s true worship; Job (Oh my God!) stalwart of heart, one by one, everything he loves is destroyed – notice that even as GOD takes the pictures of the ones he loves off the walls of his life, his heart posture remains one of trust and worship – I will not forsake my God for He will never forsake me, I CAN TRUST HIM! Dave, you’re in good company! Rejoice! They are cheering you on! Go for it – take the steps you hear God calling you to and don’t look back or worry about God not covering your back. It is impossible for Him to be unfaithful to you. It’s impossible for Him to lie and He said he would be faithful…so there’s no way!
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